Grief Myth #4: “It Was Just a Dog.”

by Peggy Haymes, Pinnacle Associate

The social media post caught my eye. A sweet looking dog stared back at me. The author of the post said, “I know this isn’t a big deal compared to some people, but I may have to put my 12 year old dog down this week…”

Of course it was a big deal.

Too often we act as if there is some national ranking of grief. If your grief makes the final four, it’s really important. If not, it doesn’t matter.

There’s no national ranking.

Of course, we recognize that some grief stays with us and sits in our souls differently that other kinds of loss; for example, the death of a child (no matter how old).

In a moment, however, loss is loss is loss.

Between August and December of 2019, I lost both of my dogs. I’m not too proud to say that it gutted me. They were intricately woven into the fabric of my daily life. Oakley greeted me with a smile every morning. Ralphie demanded approximately 500 ball throws a day, give or take a few hundred. They were my companions, security, and entertainment.

They were family.

I’ve talked with people for whom a pet was their first experience of unconditional love. For some people, a pet was their constant companion through significant life changes. A pet went with them through school and starting adult life and ups and downs of relationships.

They may have had to make the agonizing decision to euthanize a pet because they didn’t have the money for potentially life saving treatment.

How can that not be a big deal? How can any of that not be a big deal?

I’ve also heard from many people who were told that it was “just a pet,” so they shouldn’t be so upset. Sadly, for some of them the message came from their minister and/or their church.

When a church member tells you their pet died, you may not know what that pet meant to them. “Tell me about them,” can open that door.

Honoring the losses that matter to people is a way of showing them they matter to us.

With Navigating GriefLand, we’ve thrown out the national ranking of grief. If it mattered to you, it matters. Period.

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