“That’ll Never Happen to Me”
by Bill Ireland, Pinnacle Associate
As I write this, many teams in the National Football League have fired their coaches, general managers, and staff. Poor draft choices, salary cap issues, and not enough wins on the field propel this annual spree of housecleaning. This game of musical chairs happens every off season, and most coaches take it in stride. No matter how many games they win, they realize they’re just one bad season away from being fired. In fact, most coaches say they expect to be fired at some point in their careers.
I would venture that the majority of ministers don’t operate with the same assumption. Instead, our hope is to be able to plant ourselves somewhere where we can serve for a long time. There’s a good reason for this: longer tenures generally result in healthier congregations and increased effectiveness. One other reality comes into play as well. Namely, it takes time to earn a church’s trust, learn the system, and exert positive influence. In many ways, then, time matters when it comes to ministry.
Sadly, long tenures are becoming the exception rather than the rule. Early departures and forced terminations have routinely become a part of the congregational landscape. Cultural shifts, financial pressures, relational dynamics, and unclear expectations have combined to make shorter-term pastorates rather commonplace. If a church believes a minister hasn’t compiled enough “wins,” then the solution is to find a new minister. Rather than face up to the fact that the tried-and-true approaches of yesteryear no longer work, congregations often stubbornly persist in doing the same things over and over. It’s easier to blame someone rather than doing some serious soul searching. As a result, ministers are expendable.
I found myself in this camp several years ago. Recognizing that I was in a no-win situation, I decided to walk away from a church I was serving. The decision to do so was painful and hard, but ultimately the right thing for me. I learned a lot from the experience, and some of the lessons were indeed hard won. If you find yourself in a situation where you might have to leave your place of service (for whatever reason), I hope the following will be of help.
If you leave without having another place of service lined up, take a moment to breathe. Give yourself a break from the grind of ministry. Use the interlude time to assess your gifts and your shortcomings. Time and distance unfailingly offer the gift of perspective. If you are fortunate enough to have another opportunity as a lifeline, recognize that a new place of service does not heal all wounds. We take whatever has happened to us wherever we go.
Seek help. Living through the process of deciding to leave or being forced to depart exacts a toll. In my case, I found the assistance of a coach and a spiritual director invaluable. By engaging both, I gained some clarity about what happened and how I might move forward. In a success-oriented culture, I was tempted to interpret my experience as failure. The help of friends, colleagues, and professionals provided a new lens through which to interpret the experience.
Plan for your financial future. When I decided to leave, I was told it would take at least two years to find another place of service. After consulting with our financial advisor, we figured we could handle two years. In my case, however, two years stretched into nearly five! We had to abandon our original plan and regroup. I learned again that the old adage “things take longer than things take,” was spot on. All this to say, before you leave, no matter what the reason, plan ahead.
Collateral damage happens. Obviously, my experience was not limited to me and me alone. My wife and our daughter were both affected. As a result, they, too, experienced a great deal of grief, anger, and heartache. Our entire family had to walk through this trauma, and we each found our way in our own time and at our own pace. Nevertheless, all of us were wounded, and none of us could tend solely to our wounds. We all needed help.
I hope these insights will prove helpful if you are in or have walked through such an experience. Years ago, I heard of a minister who had to leave his congregation. I remember thinking at the time, “That’ll never happen to me.” Well, it did, and I hope it will never happen to you. If it does, I hope what I’ve written will encourage you as you make your way through.
If you have or anticipate having to leave your place of service, please feel free to contact me via the Pinnacle Leadership website.