Stories

by Peggy Haymes, Pinnacle Associate

In the midst of our discussion during the grief seminar, a woman raised her hand. “Can I ask the group a question?” I nodded my head for her to go on.

Looking around the group, she said, “We’ve talked about things that aren’t helpful to say after a loss but I’m wondering… what did people say that was helpful to you?”

The answer came quickly, the same answer from several quarters.

Stories.

Former students shared the life changing impact of a teacher. Stories of a neighbor being neighborly. In every story grieving families found comfort in knowing how much the lives of their loved ones mattered and that others will long remember them.

Stories.

It’s what people share when they gather for a wake or visitation. It’s what the best funerals and memorial services are filled with, the stories that bring laughter and heads nodding in recognition as well as tears.

Stories.

They’re not just for grieving, however. They can also become part of our joining together in community and part of our dreaming.

In one church, new members from the previous year were asked to share on a Wednesday night how they heard about the church and why they decided to join. Hearing their stories helped change the church’s perception of themselves from the “little sister” to larger congregations nearby to a celebration of the uniqueness of who they were and the particular things they had to offer.

When our Children’s Minister asked me to be a part of a new small group for young moms, I asked if I was to be the token old person (I am neither young nor a mom.) She reassured me that she wanted me there for my perspective, being at least a couple of decades older than the moms who gathered. Honestly, I don’t know what I brought to them but I was grateful to be included because I got to hear their stories. I have a connection with those women I otherwise would not have had. I have an appreciation for the challenges and joys of their lives.

In some church situations, it’s easy for stories to devolve into perpetual lament about the “good old days.” In contrast, the Children of Israel used stories from a difficult past to lead them into God’s future: “When we were slaves in Egypt God led us out with a strong hand and mighty arm…” So we remember the stories of God leading us in the past to foster trust for unknown futures. Such stories can be prompted by questions like, “How did you get through difficult times in the past?”

As you consider all that will go on your calendar, make room for stories. Make a space where people of different ages might swap their stories. Consider the places where you might share your own stories with colleagues. Imagine how the Spirit might lead you to write a new story in 2024.

Part of the greatest gift of Navigating GriefLand is that chance for people to share their stories. Check out the possibilities for your church HERE.