Making Choices
by Peggy Haymes, Pinnacle Associate
As I write this, I’m at my desk by the window overlooking my front yard. I have so many ideas of so many things I want to do in my yard. Get all of that English ivy pulled up! Cover the bank with cardboard and mulch to prepare it for a stunning collection of native plants and pollinator plants. Transform my shaded flat front yard into a paradise of shade loving plants and gentle pathways.
I’m really good at coming up with ideas. Inexplicably, I’m not as blessed with unlimited resources of time, energy and money. So I work section by section and keep dreaming of what might be possible.
All of this isn’t so different from what we do in our churches. Some of us are very good at coming up with dreams and visions, ideas of what we could do. Not being gifted with unlimited resources of time, people, energy and finances, however, we have to make choices.
Why should you consider offering a grief group as one of your options?
Grief is universal. At some point or another, we all experience loss. Some loss may come gently while others feel like a hurricane blowing apart our lives. We grieve the death of family members and pets who were part of the family as well. We also lose our health and/or the ability to do things we once took for granted. We lose heart connections with beloved friends and family members through estrangements that stubbornly resist healing.
Grief is prevalent. When we launched Navigating GriefLand, I announced it on my Facebook page. Immediately I had two friends ask where they might find a group in our town. One of them mentioned two friends who would also be interested. Sometimes people dealing with loss feel like they should just stop talking about their grief after a certain period of time, so we don’t hear about it. It doesn’t mean that their grief has gone away.
Unattended grief doesn’t go away. It stubbornly attaches itself to every memory so that you cannot remember the good without inviting in the pain. In the words of Rachel Remen, “Every great loss demands that we choose life again. We need to grieve in order to do this. The pain we have not grieved over will always stand between us and life.”
A group can be powerful. Part of the struggle with grief is feeling like we are the only one who has ever felt this way. What a relief to know that there are others as well.There is great healing in being heard, and in allowing your grief to been in a safe space — even when that grief is messy, filled with questions and makes no sense.
A group can foster community. Navigating GriefLand is structured to foster community among participants as the same group journeys together, week by week. Your church may choose to partner with other churches in the community to offer a group. Such experiences can strengthen the bonds between churches and open the door for other collaborations.
A group can be a powerful witness of faith. Tragically, many people have dropped out of the church because their experience of it was abusive and/or toxic. Their picture of Christians is of people who are judgmental, angry and condemning. A nonjudgmental and accepting group presents a different witness, living out the healing grace of our faith.
Finally, here’s what a grief group isn’t. It isn’t a church growth tool. Yes, people may start attending other activities and services at your church after having been part of a grief group. The intention of a group like Navigating GriefLand, however, is first and foremost to be a part of God’s healing work in the world. If we do only that, that will be enough.
Learn more about Navigating GriefLand here.